How Fathers Were Created

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When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame.

A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.

And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, who would children have to look up to?"

And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy.

The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."

And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."

And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.

The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?"

And God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"

And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross or scare off mice at the summer cabin or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."

God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words but a firm, authoritive voice and eyes that saw everything but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now, are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"

The angel shutteth up.

Why Not Just Be Happy?

Mistakes are a part of life. To err is human. Failure is also part of life, not the end of life. These are not excuses though to be sad or depressed. Be happy in spite of life's challenges. When you make the effort to be happy and to improve your life you are actually rewarded along the way.

Life is like a game and maybe you can award points for every effort that has been a success for you. Try it. Add ten points for every achievement. And when you have reached 50 points just yell, "Hey, I've won!" and give yourself a reward. If you happen to have missed your points for whatever reason, tell yourself, "well I tried" which is better than not trying at all. The idea is to give it a shot. You might miss, but try again another day. Don't let it be said you didn't try. Try and fail, rather than fail to try.

What is it that you want to make you happy? Winning the lottery? Passing your examinations? Or just drinking a nice cup of hot cocoa in the morning? Happiness does not have to come from earning a lot of money, driving the best car, or being named the employee of the month. Happiness comes from the little things in life. Like what you may ask?

Actually happiness means different things to different people. For example, an athlete will be happy winning his first race. For a new mother happiness would be witnessing her baby's first steps. Happiness for a poor person would mean having a meal just for today. So happiness for you is really something simple that you want for yourself.

It really does not have to be complicated or big. As a matter of fact you should always have realistic expectations. Make the best out of every given situation. If you expect a certain outcome from a situation and it does not happen, don't get despondent. This just means trying harder next time. We all have in us the power to succeed. Don't let 'give up' be a part of your vocabulary. When you don't succeed at something, maybe it just means you need to be trying something else. Find a new focus as the last one may not be to your benefit.

So do you have what it takes to be genuinely happy? Just love yourself, be contented and accept your failures. Here are a few happy quotes:


* The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash - Author Unknown
* Some pursue happiness, others create it - Author Unknown
* The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1 - Author Unknown
* Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy - Gretta Brooker Palmer

So what are you waiting for, just B happy...

By Lisa Granger

Drawbacks to working in a cubicle

1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when you're in the darn box all day!

2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind you.

3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

4) That nagging feeling that if you just press the right button, you will get a piece of cheese.

5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6) Your walls are too close together for your hammock to work right.

7) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

8) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

9) When tours come through, you get lots of peanuts thrown at you.

10) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

11) If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

12) If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.

13) You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

Dictionary of Performance Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.

Active socially: Drinks heavily.

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.

Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.

Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.

Happy: Paid too much.

Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.

Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.

Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.

Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.

Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.

Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.

Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.

Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.

Not a desk person: Did not go to college.

Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use.

Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.

Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.

Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.

Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

Instructions for Life

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

3. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

4. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

5. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

7. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

8. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

9. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

10.Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

11. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

12. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

13. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

14. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

15. Read between the lines.

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. A day without sunshine is like, night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

4. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

5. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

6. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

7. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

8. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

9. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

10. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

12. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

13. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

14. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

15. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Benefits of Growing Older

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are more likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 o'clock.

You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into heated arguments about the price of groceries.

You got cable TV just for the western channel.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

And with a slight adjustment to your hearing aid, you won't notice their parties either.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with the elevator music.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

So enjoy it - you're just getting older.

My Top 20 Mom Quotations

1. "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

2. "A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-- Agatha Christie

3. "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own."
-- Aristotle

4. "A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."
-- Cardinal Mermillod

5. "My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."
-- George Washington (1732-1799)

6. "Education commences at the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character."
-- Hosea Ballou

7. "The best academy, a mother's knee."
-- James Russell Lowell

8. "Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers, and sisters, aunts and cousins, but only one mother in the whole world."
-- Kate Douglas Wiggin

9. "We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later; and the birth and growth of the spirit, in those who are attentive to their own inner life, are slow and exceedingly painful. Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth."
-- Mary Antin

10. "Youth fades, love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret hope outlives them all."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1775-1817)

11. "When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll end up as the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."
-- Pablo Picasso

12. "There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

13. "A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive."
-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

14. "The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother—which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."
-- Sydney J. Harris

15. "An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest."
-- Spanish proverb

16. "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
-- Theodore Hesburgh

17. "A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them."
-- Victor Hugo

18. "The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother."
-- W. C. Fields

19. "A man never sees all that his mother has been to him until it's too late to let her know that he sees it."
-- W. D. Howells

20. "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."
-- William Ross Wallace

It's a Great Relationship, But is it Time to Break Up?

You've found a new guy and the two of you have been dating for a few months now. He's handsome, funny, and charming, and yet something about the relationship doesn't feel quite right. You so much want this to work, as it has been some time since you've dated anyone this long with the prospect of a permanent commitment. But you still have some important unanswered questions.

1. Where does he go on the weekends?

You've noticed from the beginning of your dating relationship that your guy doesn't hang around on Saturday or Sunday. In fact, you don't see him too often on Friday nights, either. You have to wonder if he has a family out there somewhere, or some kind of commitment elsewhere that is bound to interfere with yours at some point. In fact, it already is interfering. When you ask him why he can't come around over the weekend, he stutters and stammers, but so far, no good excuses.

2. What about his family?

After five months, you still haven't met his parents, sister, or even his dog. He's given you a dozen reasons why you can't visit his apartment, none of them valid. You would love to meet his family-if he has one, that is. Moreover, it wouldn't be a bad idea to be introduced to his coworkers, neighbors, or friends. But so far, none of that is happening. There was one buddy from college who was passing through town and took the two of you out for dinner, but that was it.

3. Does he really have a job?

Even though he has vaguely mentioned having a job somewhere, he doesn't say much about the work, the company, or his boss. You don't actually know what he does or how much he makes. In fact, he's often broke, which is why the two of you hang out at your place for pizza and television rather than go to the movies or dinner.

4. Will he ever get serious?

This guy takes life pretty easy. He doesn't seem to have any hassles or worries, and he's not particularly interested in the future-with or without you. You've fallen into a fairly predictable and almost boring dating pattern, and you're wondering if you could live this way the rest of your life even if things did get serious.

5. Does he meet your needs?

When you need a shoulder to cry one, he withdraws a little, like he's not very comfortable with emotion. At times when you want to dress up and go out, he's ready to sack out on the sofa for a little snooze. He seldom shows much interest in your job, your family, or your hobbies. So what's to love about him?

If any of these, especially in combinations of two or more, describe your relationship, maybe it's time to move on. Unless you force a confrontation and insist on things changing, chances are they won't. And who wants to force someone to pretend to like you, anyway? It could be time to give up and get going if your Romeo isn't showing much enthusiasm.

If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer

-If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

-To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

-If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

-Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

-To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

-To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

-To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

-If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

-When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

-"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

-You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your bootable CD to recover from a crash.

-We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

-To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

-Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

-To undo a mistake, click on "back".

-Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

-If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

Mothers of the Famous

Columbus' Mother: "I don't care what you've discovered, Chris. You still could have written."


Michelangelo's Mother: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"


Mary's Mother: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."


Batman's Mother: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"


Goldilocks Mother: "I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this, Goldie?"


Albert Einstein's Mother: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"


George Washington's Mother: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"


Superman's Mother: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"


Thomas Edison's Mother: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light blub, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed."

Love and What is Not

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing

And is your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't love, it's like.


You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,

am I right?

It isn't love, it's lust.


Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't love, it's luck.


Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't love, it's loneliness.


Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't love, it's loyalty.


Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's love.


Do you cry for their pain,

even when they're strong?

Then it's love.


Do their eyes see your true heart,

and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's love.


Do you stay for their confessions of love,

because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't love, it's pity.


Are you there because they kissed you,

or held your hand?

It isn't love, it's low confidence.


Do you belong to them

because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't love, it's infatuation.


Do you stay because a blinding,

incomprehensible mix of pain and

elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's love.


Do you pardon their faults

because you care about them?

It isn't love, it's friendship


Do you accept their faults

because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's love.


Do you tell them every day

they are the only one you think of?

It isn't love, it's a lie.


Are you attracted to others,

but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's love.


Are you willing to give

all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't love, it's charity.


Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's love.

Woman of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...

but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...


A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...

but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...


A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...

but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...


A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...


a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and

capitalizes on them...


A strong woman walks sure footedly ...

but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...


A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...

but a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

Have you been to the bank?

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with 86,400.

It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!!!!

Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME.

Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.

Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose.

It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

Each day it opens a new account for you.

Each night it burns the remains of the day.

If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no going back.

There is no drawing against the "tomorrow".

You must live in the present on today's deposits.

Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success!

The clock is running.

Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a pre-mature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.

And remember that time waits for no one.

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow is mystery

Today is a gift

That's why it's called the present!!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed.

They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.

Show your friends how much you care.....

What God Won't Ask

God won’t ask what kind of car you drove.

He will ask how many people you took to church who didn’t have a car.



God won’t ask the square footage of your home.

He will ask how many people you helped who didn’t have a home.



God won’t ask how many fancy clothes you had in your closet.

He will ask how many of those clothes you gave away to Salvation Army.



God won’t ask what social class you were in.

He will ask what kind of "class" you displayed.



God won’t ask how many material possessions you had.

He will ask whether those material possessions dictated your life.



God won’t ask what your highest salary was.

He will ask if you trampled over any people to obtain that salary.



God won’t ask how much overtime you worked.

He will ask did you work overtime for your family.



God won’t ask how many promotions you received.

He will ask what you did to promote others.



God won’t ask what your job title was.

He will ask did you perform your job to the best of your ability.



God won’t ask how many promotions you took to chase the dollar bill.

He will ask how many promotions you refused to advance your family’s quality of life.



God won’t ask how many times you didn’t run around around on your spouse.

He will ask how many times you did.



God won’t ask how many degrees you have.

He will ask how many people you thanked for getting those degrees.



God won’t ask what your parents did to help you.

He will ask what you did to help your parents.



God won’t ask what you did to help yourself.

He will ask what you did to help others.



God won’t ask how many friends you had.

He will ask how many people you were a friend to.



God won’t ask what you did to protect your rights.

He will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.



God won’t ask what neighborhood you lived in.

He will ask what other neighborhoods you visited.



God won’t ask how many times you told the truth.

He will ask how many times you told a lie.



God won’t ask about the color of your skin.

He will ask about the color of your heart.



God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words.

He will ask how many times they didn’t.

10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness

One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.

While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.

1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.

2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.

3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things. Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.

4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.

5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.

6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.

7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.

8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.

9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.

10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.

Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.

On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures.

By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness.

A Couple Heartbreak

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

What do you think were the four words?

The husband just said "I Love You Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not have happened. No
point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn't forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Don't multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to forgiveness.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

20 Thoughts to the Wise

01. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

02. Dear God: I have a problem. Sometimes, it's me.

03. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

04. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

05. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

06. Do the math. Count your blessings.

07. Faith is the ability to not panic.

08. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

09. If we worry, we probably didn't pray. If we pray, we probably don't worry.

10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.

11. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

12. The most important things in our homes are the people.

13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knots for us.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead. And who knows where he has gone?

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until we experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on our pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living our life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams we seek require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle -- it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Steps to Happiness

Everybody Knows,

You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.


So,

You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others, because no one else is in the contest of "being you".


Then,

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.


Believe,

That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in all history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

" All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said: " When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Twelve Good Thoughts

1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.

3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person who you would like to hear from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.

7. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

9. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life, a timely word may level stress, a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

12. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches..

The First Time I Loved Forever

somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond any experience your eyes have their silence in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near


The first time I loved forever
Was when you whispered my name
And I knew at once you loved me
For the me of who I am

The first time I loved forever
I cast all else aside
And I bid my heart to follow
Be there no more need to hide

And if wishes and dreams are merely for
children
And if love's a tale for fools
I'll live the dream with you

or if your wish be to close me, I and my life wil shut very beautifully,
suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending


For all my life and forever
There's a truth I will always know
When my world divides and shatters
Your love is where I'll go

i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens; only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper that all roses nobody, not ever the rain, has such small hands

The Parable of True Love

The old woman sat on the antique rattan rocking chair. Her eyeglasses were perched precariously on her nose as she concentrated on her sewing chores. A gentle breeze swept the wisp of whitish hair on her temples.

Beside her sat her teen-age granddaughter. She was like a fresh flower recently bloomed. Without warning she suddenly blurted out, "Grandma, why is true love so difficult to find?"

The old woman with a kindly face stopped sewing and touched her granddaughter's head affectionately. After a moment, the young girl cuddled closer, resting her head on the old woman's lap.

"Listen and I will tell you why," began the grandmother.

"Many centuries ago, when the world was young, true love existed everywhere. It was available for the asking. Because of this, men and women took true love for granted, so God decided to keep true love." She stopped and smiled as she gently stroked the young girl's soft tresses. "God asked a pair of angels to keep true love."

"First, they buried true love in the ground. But man and woman easily dug it out. Next, the angels took true love to the highest mountain. But again, man and woman easily climbed to the top. Then the angels submerged true love in the deepest sea. Man and woman swam to the bottom of the body of water and with ease retrieved true love."

"So true love is easy to find," commented the young girl. "For man and woman will dig, climb and swim."

"Yes ... but finally the angels kept true love in the hearts of man and woman. Since then, people have had difficulty searching for true love. For they look everywhere except in the one place that they should keep it."

The Risk of Love

There is a risk involved in everything
Every time you share a smile
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening yourself up to hurt.

Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Sidestepping the things they can not understand
Turning away from those who care too much-
Those who care stay too long,
Those who hold too tightly.

There is never an easy way to love
You cannot approach it cautiously
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.

It does not care if you turn away
It is everywhere, it is everything.
Love is the greatest of all risks.

It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic
It is unprejudiced and unmerciful.
It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.

Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent.

But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be all alone.
The risk of love never depletes;
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time.
But, it is in the total surrender of all defense,
That we, no matter weak or strong,
No matter willing or captive,
No matter what, we truly experience love.

Despite the many things love is not,
Outweighing it all are the things that love is.
Love is surrender without a loss.
It is a gift without the cost.
It consumes your every thought and desire,
Every breath you take.
It is the fire that fuels you
To do more than pass through life;
It urges you, instead, to live.

No matter the outcome, having felt love,
You will never be the same.
It may scar your heart and soul
And leave you only memories of forever.
Or, it may cause every day of your life
To feel like there is no need for tomorrow.
But, love is worth it. It is worth the risk...

For in all of life,
Love is truly the only risk worth taking.

Top Ten Tiger Woods Lessons for Success:

1. Expect to win.
Know in your heart that you are a winner.

2. Let your expectations show.
Express no doubts, let your competitors and your friends know that you have none.

3. Work, practice, work, and practice some more.
At the top of his field, he can still be seen hitting buckets of balls until dark
- even if he's just won.

4. Dress and act like a winner.
This is a part of keeping yourself in a winning frame of mind.

5. Have a sense of drama - don't create it but know it when you see it.
You don't have to seek out publicity, but know how to accept and use it when it
comes to you.

6. Know that there is always room to grow.
Being the best does not mean you can't be even better.

7. Hang with the winners.
They understand the pressures and situations in which you will find yourself.

8. Put yourself in situations where you are not known as a success.
May be difficult, but this helps you to stay real.

9. Value and protect your free time and do what you enjoy.
The discipline of being a winner needs a safety valve from time to time.

10. Remember those who need help.
Somewhere, someone helped you - be willing to give back.

by Diana Robinson, Ph.D.

The Love Story

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the others, including love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave.

Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, " I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, " Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."

Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.

Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Life is short...

This is a beautiful story.
Just wanted to share with you this wonderful story...

Life is short, so smile and be grateful as long as we are here.



The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21 . Next to her, her fiancé, Nick, 23. The picture was taken shortly before their wedding ceremony, held on January 11, 2005 in the US . Katie has terminal cancer and spend hours a day receiving medication. In the picture, Nick is waiting for her on one of the many sessions of chemo to end.



In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots, Katie is going along with her wedding and took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a few times due to her constant weight loss.



An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that Katie used throughout the ceremony and reception as well. The other couple in the picture are Nick's parents. Excited to see their son marrying his high school sweetheart.



Katie, in her wheelchair with the oxygen tube , listening to a song from her husband and friends.



At the reception, katie had to take a few rests. The pain did not allow her to stand for long periods.



Katie died five days after her wedding day. Watching a woman so ill and weak getting married and with a smile on her face makes us think..... Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts .

We should stop making our lives complicated.

Life is short

Break the rules

forgive quickly

love truly , laugh constantly

And never stop smiling

No matter how strange life is

Life is not always the party we expected to be

but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect?

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down?

For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.

Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile.

Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away.

Sometimed I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say thing I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.

The Power Of Words

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.


This story gives us thoughts to think about:
1. An encouraging word to someone who is down can encourage them to achieve their goal.
2. A destructive word to someone who is down can have negative effects. Be careful of what you say.

My A to Z of Life

Life is like a multifaceted prism, which gives different colored images, when viewed from different angles. Look how it appears to different people:

a. Life is a struggle, face it.

b. Life is a brief intermission, between birth and death, enjoy it.

c. Life is a lesson, learn it.

d. Life is not a joke, take it seriously.

e. Life is work, work is life.

f. Life is a dream, to be realized.

g. Life is to be lived, enjoy it.

h. Life, without a wife, is no life.

i. Life is not a bed of roses.

j. Life is an ocean, fathom it.

k. Life is an opportunity, don't miss it.

l. Life without love is desolate.

m. Life is a goldmine, exploit it.

n. Life is what you make it.

o. Life lies in optimism. Be a positive thinker.

p. Life is like a game of snakes and ladders; one faces many pitfalls before one reaches the top.

q. Life will be a pleasure, if you love your work.

r. Life without goals, is groping in darkness.

s. Life without trust is a life in turmoil.

t. Life is a journey; make it as pleasant as possible.

u. Life doesn't mean bread alone.

v. Life is meaningful, only if there is a mission.

w. Life is enriched by good friendship.

x. Life doesn't mean years alone: "IT IS THE LIFE IN THOSE YEARS"

y. Life is useful, if you contribute something, that will outlive it.

z. Life lies in diversity, not in monotony.

by M. K. Soni

7 Things Happy People Have In Common

Ever notice how some people just seem to be able to be content and bounce back no matter what the circumstances? Research shows that this isn't a gift or a talent - it's, a skill that they have developed. Surprised? Well, the real surprise is that you too can put to work their techniques and make your life happier too.

1. Happy people cooperate with life.

Each person has a destiny to fulfill. You can fight it or cooperate with it. Does that mean you just lay back and let life happen? No. But you can adopt the attitude that you will play the cards you are dealt the very best you can. When you begin to cooperate with life, you will notice new ways in which you are motivated. Life wants you to realize your destiny. Wouldn't you rather cooperate than battle with life?

2. Happy people don't just think positive, they act positive.

Thinking positive definitely has its place, and you'll need to change your thoughts to ever be truly happy. But don't wait on the feelings to come. You have direct control over how you act and what you think (feelings and physiology are indirectly affected). If you want to be a happier person, act happier. If you want to be a more compassionate person, act more compassionate. If you want to be a friendlier person, act friendlier. The feelings will follow.

3. Happy people ask for what they need.

Good things don't generally just fall out of the sky. Complaining gets you nothing, except to attract you to other complainers. If you believe that "you reap what you sow", then asking for what you want makes much more sense than sowing complaints. It's your choice-- you can choose to point fingers and assign blame, and still end up with nothing. Or you can simply ask.

4. Happy people are willing to change.

It's contrary to all laws of nature for things to stand still. If you try to make that happen, you'll always be disappointed. If you let fear of change stop you, you are in essence *agreeing* to not having what you want. You can believe that change will harm you and resist it. Or you can embrace it and believe that it will help you. It all depends on what you decide to believe.

5. Happy people don't allow themselves to be defeated.

A failure or set back does not mean that the goal will never be yours, nor is it evidence that you should quit. It simply means that you need more practice, more experience. Be willing to make mistakes. Don't give up. Don't allow one slipup, or setback from the outside, influence you to erase all the progress you've made. Feel the joy of the finish line!

6. Happy people live in the present.

If you are alert to the present, and anticipating the future, you are better able to take advantage of opportunities. If you are brooding over the past, you'll be blinded to present possibilities, and lose the advantage for future prospects. A happy life is the product of living a great present. And a well lived present is a guarantee of a wonderful future. You can only affect your future by what you do today.

7. Happy people plan ahead.

Happy people know that they must exercise mastery in their lives, show control in their life in order to guard against feelings of being helpless and victims. Planning is essential to getting things done. Planning is essential to making sure you are spending time on your priorities, and not just the next thing that gets your attention. Plan for what's important to you, and choose to spend your limited time, money, energy, and resources on it.

by Kathy Gates

Love Rules: Three Necessary Ones To Remember

Have you ever wondered why some people are able to have success in dating and relationships, while others struggle and wonder if love will ever come their way? The answer could be found in understanding Love Rules.

The three most important Love Rules to remember are: Stop, Look, and Listen.

Stop.

Stop focusing on what you don't have and bring what you do have into view. You have attributes, talents, and abilities unique to you. Think about what they are and showcase them. The same goes for your appearance. Enhance and appreciate your good features, polish up what you have, and let go of any inner critical remarks that pass negative judgment on you.

Look.

Look at what you do to your self esteem when you act like a judgment machine. Nothing good comes from mean criticism. Find your encouraging voice that cheers you on. Whenever you have a win or do something you are proud of, tell yourself, "Yay team! Way to go!" Put that sentiment in your own words and make it your new mantra.

Listen.

Listening is a gift--to ourselves and to others. Men are deeply attracted to women who are gracious listeners; women warm to a man who can hear what they have to say and respond appropriately. Being a good listener starts with hearing your own judgmental voice first and learning to turn the volume down. When you are kinder to yourself, that caring ripples out to others.

Wrap these three rules in a blanket of a positive attitude. Negativity repels love; a positive attitude attracts who and what you want.

If you notice negative judgments curling up in your mind, wanting and waiting to spring forth, monitor the words and phrases that would give those thoughts a life.

Stop, Look, and Listen. Love Rules.

The 6 Relationship Stages

If you have been in a few relationships you probably already noticed that there are several stages a relationship goes through before it ends. Most of these relationships begin great, and then end sometimes badly. The following list of relationship stages will help you determine where your current relationship is, and hopefully stop it from where it might be going.

The Beginning: This is always fun. You meet the person for the first time and start spending time together. You get butterflies in your stomach when they are around.

The Bonding: Commitment often begins here. You decide to stay with this person and see where things lead. Love may be present.

The Comfort: The fire has left and has been replaced with a warm comfort for one another. Routines are usually established at this stage.

The Boredom: The relationship becomes boring and you might be bored of each other. You may begin fighting about things that you do not really care about.

The Avoiding: Avoiding each other completely has become normal in your relationship. The only reason you stay together is because of convenience.

The End: The last of all the relationship stages. You may have tried several things to save the relationship but it was too late. You split up.

If many of your relationships have followed this path in the past, you may want to learn how to fix it before it happens. Michael Webb, who is the author of the Relationship EBook Collection, can teach you the skills you need to know if you want to avoid this nasty and painful cycle in the future. If you really want to make a relationship last it is going to take a lot of work. But it will be totally worth it.

By Martin Bowditch

Words That Should Exist

ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) -- adj. Being able to drive and read a road map at the same time.

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) -- adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) -- n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye (or ear).

BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) -- n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

BUZZACKS (buz' aks) -- n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.

CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) -- n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

DIMP (dimp) -- n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') -- v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) -- n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.

EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) -- n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon' iks) -- n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) -- n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) -- n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) -- n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.

NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) -- n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') -- n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) -- adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) -- n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup' kus) -- n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) -- n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

"Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

"Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

"Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"

"Hand me that ... uh ... that uh..... thingie"

"Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

"Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

"There go the lights again..."

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys.. and this guy's got two of'em."

"Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"

"Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off."

"What's this doing here?"

"Someone call the janitor, we have a BIG mess again."

"I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!"

"Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."

"Sterile, shcmedle. The floor's clean, right?"

"What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change..."

"OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature."

"This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?"

"Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"

"Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough."

"What do you mean "You want a divorce"!"

"FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!"

"Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"

"...And now we place the ape's brain in the subject's body."

"You forgot what he was in for? Oh well, let's surprise him."

Parable of the Pencil

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. There are 5 things you need to know, he told the pencil, before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

Three: You will be able to correct mistakes you will make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you; always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct mistakes you might make or grow through them.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

And Five: On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to serve God in everything.

By understanding and remembering, let us proceed with our life on this earth having a meaningful purpose in our heart and a relationship with God daily.

-- Author Unknown

Where is My Relationship Heading?

Have you ever asked yourself, Where is this relationship heading? It's a good practice to assess where you are in your life from time to time. Where you are, that is, in relation to what is going on in all the various aspects of what makes up your life experience.

Today let's focus on your relationships. Are the people with whom you surround yourself in life helping you grow or are they hindering your growth? It may be that you are the one who is changing or have changed, and with every personal growth spurt or boost of expanded awareness you experience, you need to reassess your relationships accordingly. Or your partner may be growing, but in a different direction from you; same outcome really.

Most of us regularly assess acquaintances and business associates, but do you take time to assess your close personal friendships and intimate relationship, to assess if they are still serving your highest good and personal growth?

Of course we may be walking where angels fear to tread here, but if you are not advancing in your life, if you are not growing and expanding your possibilities of greater awareness and experience, you are missing out on a major part of what life is meant to be: a journey of expansion of your being into more than you are at present.

Every relationship has its own potential and they fall into one of two basic categories:

1. Relationships that add.

2. Relationships that subtract.

Take a look at the second category. What happens when you become aware that one or more of your relationships is subtracting from your personal growth and progress in life? You are left with the option to resist this realization or you can bring truth to it and simply accept that it is "not working" and assess what you can do about it.

So what does this mean for you? Good question...

It means one of three things:

1. The relationship was meant to be temporary and now needs to end.

You created this relationship to learn something and it has brought that specific gift to your life. The worst thing to do is to hold onto it when the universe is telling you it's time to let go. If you hold on to this kind of relationship it will pull you down and prevent your expansion. This relationship was only ever meant to be "seasonal," and if you don't let it go, what was once delightful could become destructive; certainly not for your greater continued good.

2. You entered the relationship thinking you could change the other person.

The only reality over which you have any kind of control is your own experience. You can never change anyone else unless they decide to make the change of their own accord. If you think you will change a person to fit your needs you are misleading yourself. They must want to change, and you can't want it more for them than they want it for themselves. If this is where you stand in relation to the other person, you need to reassess and take action.

3. You are in a static relationship that holds you in your past.

As long as you surround yourself with a person or people who hold you in your past it will prevent you from completing your transformation into who you want to become. When others attempt to put you on a guilt trip for trying to change, their fear of change will hold you bound to the past and prevent your growth. As long as they attempt to hold you in the same place they are, you cannot move forward at your own chosen pace.

If your intimate relationship falls into one of the above categories, you will have to assess just exactly what are your priorities for your life. You can ramp it up or choose to let it go. It takes enormous courage to leave the past behind and face an uncertain future, but the price of not doing so may cost you far more than anything you could possibly lose.

You were born to live your life in ever expanding experience. You need to surround yourself with people who share your highest aspirations. Mix with those who are as you would like to be, or who have what you want - not what you have at present.

When you feel the urge, take time to reassess your relationships, particularly your intimate relationship. See how you can perhaps contribute more, be more present to the other and play your role with full immersion. If you see it cannot be sustained, do what needs to be done. You only have one life this time around. Don't waste even one day more: start living for growth of love and expansion of who you are and want to be.

By Marie C. Barrett

Physics In Hell

A true story.

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students.

It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
It was not revealed what grade the student received.

Rejection Lines (and what they actually mean)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
(and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.)

In response...The male perspective on the same issue...

Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
(and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)

Installing Love

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

Customer Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.Is it okay to install while they are running?

Customer Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

Customer Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Customer Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Customer Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Customer Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

Customer Service Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?

Customer Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before It can "LOVE"others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Customer Service Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Customer Service Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Customer Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, EALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

Customer Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

Customer Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

Husband Mart

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"

So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day!