For as long as I can remember, my aunt had stained glass hanging in her window. She had pieces from all over the world, each one hand crafted by a stained glass artist.
She loved them all, but there was one piece that hung in her kitchen window and she often referred to it as her "motivational stained glass". She told me that she hung this particular piece in her kitchen window where she would see it every day.
The stained glass piece, which she was referring to, was a rainbow. And on the rainbow someone had written the saying:
"Remember, to make rainbows you need sun and rain."
The motivational stained glass piece was one of the smaller pieces of her wonderful collection, and was not particularly well done. I asked her why she kept it there. She said it gave her motivation on days when life presented challenges. It reminded her that we need to have some bad times to appreciate the good times. And, on the days when life was good, it always reminded her that life doesn't get any better than this.
I was at our local farmers market and found a stained glass rainbow similar to the one my aunt had hanging in her window. The one I bought did not have the saying on it, but every time I look at it I can remember my aunts words and the saying ….
Start where you stand and never mind the past,
The past won't help you in beginning new,
If you have left it all behind at last
Why, that's enough, you're done with it, you're through;
This is another chapter in the book,
This is another race that you have planned,
Don't give the vanished days a backward look,
Start where you stand.
The world won't care about your old defeats
If you can start anew and win success;
The future is your time, and time is fleet
And there is much of work and strain and stress;
Forget the buried woes and dead despairs,
Here is a brand-new trial right at hand,
The future is for him who does and dares,
Start where you stand.
Old failures will not halt, old triumphs aid,
To-day's the thing, to-morrow soon will be;
Get in the fight and face it unafraid,
And leave the past to ancient history,
What has been, has been; yesterday is dead
And by it you are neither blessed nor banned;
Take courage, man, be brave and drive ahead,
Start where you stand.
His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."
As William Arthur Ward once said,
"It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people;
to focus your energies on answers - not excuses."
Mistakes are a part of life. To err is human. Failure is also part of life, not the end of life. These are not excuses though to be sad or depressed. Be happy in spite of life's challenges. When you make the effort to be happy and to improve your life you are actually rewarded along the way.
Life is like a game and maybe you can award points for every effort that has been a success for you. Try it. Add ten points for every achievement. And when you have reached 50 points just yell, "Hey, I've won!" and give yourself a reward. If you happen to have missed your points for whatever reason, tell yourself, "well I tried" which is better than not trying at all. The idea is to give it a shot. You might miss, but try again another day. Don't let it be said you didn't try. Try and fail, rather than fail to try.
What is it that you want to make you happy? Winning the lottery? Passing your examinations? Or just drinking a nice cup of hot cocoa in the morning? Happiness does not have to come from earning a lot of money, driving the best car, or being named the employee of the month. Happiness comes from the little things in life. Like what you may ask?
Actually happiness means different things to different people. For example, an athlete will be happy winning his first race. For a new mother happiness would be witnessing her baby's first steps. Happiness for a poor person would mean having a meal just for today. So happiness for you is really something simple that you want for yourself.
It really does not have to be complicated or big. As a matter of fact you should always have realistic expectations. Make the best out of every given situation. If you expect a certain outcome from a situation and it does not happen, don't get despondent. This just means trying harder next time. We all have in us the power to succeed. Don't let 'give up' be a part of your vocabulary. When you don't succeed at something, maybe it just means you need to be trying something else. Find a new focus as the last one may not be to your benefit.
So do you have what it takes to be genuinely happy? Just love yourself, be contented and accept your failures. Here are a few happy quotes:
* The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash - Author Unknown
* Some pursue happiness, others create it - Author Unknown
* The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1 - Author Unknown
* Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy - Gretta Brooker Palmer
One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.
While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.
1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.
2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.
3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things. Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.
4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.
5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.
6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.
7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.
8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.
9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.
10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.
Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.
On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures.
By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness.
You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.
So,
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others, because no one else is in the contest of "being you".
Then,
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.
Believe,
That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in all history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.
