Teachers and Kids

Heard in Elementary School

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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand?

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

20 Thoughts to the Wise

01. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

02. Dear God: I have a problem. Sometimes, it's me.

03. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

04. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

05. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

06. Do the math. Count your blessings.

07. Faith is the ability to not panic.

08. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

09. If we worry, we probably didn't pray. If we pray, we probably don't worry.

10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.

11. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

12. The most important things in our homes are the people.

13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knots for us.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead. And who knows where he has gone?

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until we experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on our pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living our life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams we seek require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle -- it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Physics In Hell

A true story.

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students.

It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
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It was not revealed what grade the student received.