Benefits of Growing Older

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are more likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 o'clock.

You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into heated arguments about the price of groceries.

You got cable TV just for the western channel.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

And with a slight adjustment to your hearing aid, you won't notice their parties either.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with the elevator music.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

So enjoy it - you're just getting older.