Drawbacks to working in a cubicle

1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when you're in the darn box all day!

2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind you.

3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

4) That nagging feeling that if you just press the right button, you will get a piece of cheese.

5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6) Your walls are too close together for your hammock to work right.

7) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

8) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

9) When tours come through, you get lots of peanuts thrown at you.

10) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

11) If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

12) If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.

13) You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

Dictionary of Performance Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.

Active socially: Drinks heavily.

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.

Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.

Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.

Happy: Paid too much.

Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.

Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.

Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.

Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.

Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.

Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.

Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.

Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.

Not a desk person: Did not go to college.

Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use.

Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.

Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.

Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.

Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.