Instructions for Life

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

3. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

4. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

5. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

7. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

8. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

9. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

10.Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

11. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

12. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

13. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

14. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

15. Read between the lines.

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. A day without sunshine is like, night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

4. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

5. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

6. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

7. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

8. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

9. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

10. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

12. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

13. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

14. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

15. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Benefits of Growing Older

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are more likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 o'clock.

You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into heated arguments about the price of groceries.

You got cable TV just for the western channel.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

And with a slight adjustment to your hearing aid, you won't notice their parties either.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with the elevator music.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

So enjoy it - you're just getting older.