-If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!
-To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
-If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".
-Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
-To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
-To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
-To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
-If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
-When you lose your car keys, click on "find".
-"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
-You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your bootable CD to recover from a crash.
-We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.
-To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".
-Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.
-To undo a mistake, click on "back".
-Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".
-If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Mothers of the Famous
Columbus' Mother: "I don't care what you've discovered, Chris. You still could have written."
Michelangelo's Mother: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
Mary's Mother: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."
Batman's Mother: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"
Goldilocks Mother: "I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this, Goldie?"
Albert Einstein's Mother: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
George Washington's Mother: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
Superman's Mother: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"
Thomas Edison's Mother: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light blub, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed."
Michelangelo's Mother: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
Mary's Mother: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."
Batman's Mother: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"
Goldilocks Mother: "I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this, Goldie?"
Albert Einstein's Mother: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
George Washington's Mother: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
Superman's Mother: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"
Thomas Edison's Mother: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light blub, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed."
Monday, April 20, 2009
Love and What is Not
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
And is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't love, it's like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.
Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's love.
Do you cry for their pain,
even when they're strong?
Then it's love.
Do their eyes see your true heart,
and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.
Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.
Are you there because they kissed you,
or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's low confidence.
Do you belong to them
because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.
Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and
elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's love.
Do you pardon their faults
because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship
Do you accept their faults
because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.
Do you tell them every day
they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.
Are you attracted to others,
but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.
Are you willing to give
all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love, it's charity.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.
And is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't love, it's like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.
Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's love.
Do you cry for their pain,
even when they're strong?
Then it's love.
Do their eyes see your true heart,
and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.
Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.
Are you there because they kissed you,
or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's low confidence.
Do you belong to them
because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.
Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and
elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's love.
Do you pardon their faults
because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship
Do you accept their faults
because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.
Do you tell them every day
they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.
Are you attracted to others,
but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.
Are you willing to give
all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love, it's charity.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.
Woman of Strength
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and
capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly ...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and
capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly ...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Have you been to the bank?
Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with 86,400.
It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!!!!
Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you.
Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.
There is no going back.
There is no drawing against the "tomorrow".
You must live in the present on today's deposits.
Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success!
The clock is running.
Make the most of today.
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a pre-mature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.
And remember that time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called the present!!
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed.
They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care.....
It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!!!!
Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you.
Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.
There is no going back.
There is no drawing against the "tomorrow".
You must live in the present on today's deposits.
Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success!
The clock is running.
Make the most of today.
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a pre-mature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.
And remember that time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called the present!!
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed.
They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care.....
Thursday, April 16, 2009
What God Won't Ask
God won’t ask what kind of car you drove.
He will ask how many people you took to church who didn’t have a car.
God won’t ask the square footage of your home.
He will ask how many people you helped who didn’t have a home.
God won’t ask how many fancy clothes you had in your closet.
He will ask how many of those clothes you gave away to Salvation Army.
God won’t ask what social class you were in.
He will ask what kind of "class" you displayed.
God won’t ask how many material possessions you had.
He will ask whether those material possessions dictated your life.
God won’t ask what your highest salary was.
He will ask if you trampled over any people to obtain that salary.
God won’t ask how much overtime you worked.
He will ask did you work overtime for your family.
God won’t ask how many promotions you received.
He will ask what you did to promote others.
God won’t ask what your job title was.
He will ask did you perform your job to the best of your ability.
God won’t ask how many promotions you took to chase the dollar bill.
He will ask how many promotions you refused to advance your family’s quality of life.
God won’t ask how many times you didn’t run around around on your spouse.
He will ask how many times you did.
God won’t ask how many degrees you have.
He will ask how many people you thanked for getting those degrees.
God won’t ask what your parents did to help you.
He will ask what you did to help your parents.
God won’t ask what you did to help yourself.
He will ask what you did to help others.
God won’t ask how many friends you had.
He will ask how many people you were a friend to.
God won’t ask what you did to protect your rights.
He will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.
God won’t ask what neighborhood you lived in.
He will ask what other neighborhoods you visited.
God won’t ask how many times you told the truth.
He will ask how many times you told a lie.
God won’t ask about the color of your skin.
He will ask about the color of your heart.
God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words.
He will ask how many times they didn’t.
He will ask how many people you took to church who didn’t have a car.
God won’t ask the square footage of your home.
He will ask how many people you helped who didn’t have a home.
God won’t ask how many fancy clothes you had in your closet.
He will ask how many of those clothes you gave away to Salvation Army.
God won’t ask what social class you were in.
He will ask what kind of "class" you displayed.
God won’t ask how many material possessions you had.
He will ask whether those material possessions dictated your life.
God won’t ask what your highest salary was.
He will ask if you trampled over any people to obtain that salary.
God won’t ask how much overtime you worked.
He will ask did you work overtime for your family.
God won’t ask how many promotions you received.
He will ask what you did to promote others.
God won’t ask what your job title was.
He will ask did you perform your job to the best of your ability.
God won’t ask how many promotions you took to chase the dollar bill.
He will ask how many promotions you refused to advance your family’s quality of life.
God won’t ask how many times you didn’t run around around on your spouse.
He will ask how many times you did.
God won’t ask how many degrees you have.
He will ask how many people you thanked for getting those degrees.
God won’t ask what your parents did to help you.
He will ask what you did to help your parents.
God won’t ask what you did to help yourself.
He will ask what you did to help others.
God won’t ask how many friends you had.
He will ask how many people you were a friend to.
God won’t ask what you did to protect your rights.
He will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.
God won’t ask what neighborhood you lived in.
He will ask what other neighborhoods you visited.
God won’t ask how many times you told the truth.
He will ask how many times you told a lie.
God won’t ask about the color of your skin.
He will ask about the color of your heart.
God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words.
He will ask how many times they didn’t.
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