How Fathers Were Created

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When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame.

A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.

And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, who would children have to look up to?"

And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy.

The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."

And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."

And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.

The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?"

And God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"

And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross or scare off mice at the summer cabin or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."

God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words but a firm, authoritive voice and eyes that saw everything but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now, are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"

The angel shutteth up.

Why Not Just Be Happy?

Mistakes are a part of life. To err is human. Failure is also part of life, not the end of life. These are not excuses though to be sad or depressed. Be happy in spite of life's challenges. When you make the effort to be happy and to improve your life you are actually rewarded along the way.

Life is like a game and maybe you can award points for every effort that has been a success for you. Try it. Add ten points for every achievement. And when you have reached 50 points just yell, "Hey, I've won!" and give yourself a reward. If you happen to have missed your points for whatever reason, tell yourself, "well I tried" which is better than not trying at all. The idea is to give it a shot. You might miss, but try again another day. Don't let it be said you didn't try. Try and fail, rather than fail to try.

What is it that you want to make you happy? Winning the lottery? Passing your examinations? Or just drinking a nice cup of hot cocoa in the morning? Happiness does not have to come from earning a lot of money, driving the best car, or being named the employee of the month. Happiness comes from the little things in life. Like what you may ask?

Actually happiness means different things to different people. For example, an athlete will be happy winning his first race. For a new mother happiness would be witnessing her baby's first steps. Happiness for a poor person would mean having a meal just for today. So happiness for you is really something simple that you want for yourself.

It really does not have to be complicated or big. As a matter of fact you should always have realistic expectations. Make the best out of every given situation. If you expect a certain outcome from a situation and it does not happen, don't get despondent. This just means trying harder next time. We all have in us the power to succeed. Don't let 'give up' be a part of your vocabulary. When you don't succeed at something, maybe it just means you need to be trying something else. Find a new focus as the last one may not be to your benefit.

So do you have what it takes to be genuinely happy? Just love yourself, be contented and accept your failures. Here are a few happy quotes:


* The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash - Author Unknown
* Some pursue happiness, others create it - Author Unknown
* The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1 - Author Unknown
* Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy - Gretta Brooker Palmer

So what are you waiting for, just B happy...

By Lisa Granger

Drawbacks to working in a cubicle

1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when you're in the darn box all day!

2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind you.

3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

4) That nagging feeling that if you just press the right button, you will get a piece of cheese.

5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6) Your walls are too close together for your hammock to work right.

7) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

8) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

9) When tours come through, you get lots of peanuts thrown at you.

10) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

11) If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

12) If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.

13) You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

Dictionary of Performance Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.

Active socially: Drinks heavily.

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.

Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.

Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.

Happy: Paid too much.

Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.

Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.

Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.

Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.

Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.

Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.

Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.

Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.

Not a desk person: Did not go to college.

Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use.

Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.

Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.

Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.

Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

Instructions for Life

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

3. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

4. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

5. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

7. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

8. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

9. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

10.Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

11. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

12. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

13. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

14. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

15. Read between the lines.

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. A day without sunshine is like, night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

4. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

5. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

6. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

7. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

8. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

9. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

10. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

12. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

13. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

14. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

15. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.