"Dream Lover"
Letter to complaint dept.
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!
Jane
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 , because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed.
Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support".
You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3
I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0 Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete.
Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran .
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution!
Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only 9.4 and 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!"
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Shipwreck
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground--it just may be a smoke signal that summons The
Grace of God.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground--it just may be a smoke signal that summons The
Grace of God.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
2 Sides Of Love
His side
-"tell her how you feel" is what my friends said
-so i picked up the phone
-called your house
-you answerd
-i said "i love you"
-and hung up right after
-the next day
-i told you it was a bet from a friend
-it was partly true
-but you didnt answer
-no sassy come back which you always do
-just stood there
-the walked away
My side
-he called my house
-i picked up
-he told me he loved me
-then hung up
-the next day
-i was going to tell you i loved you back
-but you said it was a bet
-i had everything planned out
-every move i planned
-every word
-but when you said that...
-i had nothing to say
-i stood and watched you
-as you broke my heart
-"tell her how you feel" is what my friends said
-so i picked up the phone
-called your house
-you answerd
-i said "i love you"
-and hung up right after
-the next day
-i told you it was a bet from a friend
-it was partly true
-but you didnt answer
-no sassy come back which you always do
-just stood there
-the walked away
My side
-he called my house
-i picked up
-he told me he loved me
-then hung up
-the next day
-i was going to tell you i loved you back
-but you said it was a bet
-i had everything planned out
-every move i planned
-every word
-but when you said that...
-i had nothing to say
-i stood and watched you
-as you broke my heart
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Please Don't Lie To Me Again
This touching sad short love story is amazing. Sometimes we lie to the ones we love because we are afraid to tell people of our feelings for them. How often has this happened to you? Well, read this touching sad short love story and perhaps you might find the courage to let people know of your feelings.
Tenchi looked at the face of a girl whom he had been with for a long time. She was his childhood friend. She was lying on the hospital bed, unconcious. As Tenchi looked at her, love and sadness can be seen in his eyes. Worried that something bad might happen to her. "Yuki, please wake up." the words that he kept repeating in his mind, over and over again.
"Hey cheer up now. What's the matter?" A young boy wearing a blue baseball cap told his friend, looking at her, who was crying. "I'm fine." A little girl gave the same boy a fake smile. "Ahh, something's wrong, I knew it. Yuki tell me." He insisted. But the little girl just gave him a smile, "nothing."
A girl waited under a waiting shed, it was raining too hard. Everything was dark. "Yuki!" The girl heard her name. Left, right, it was her friend, Tenchi. The boy hurried to see her, he ran to the waiting shed quickly, with his uniform, dripping wet. But as soon as he got there, acted as if she didn't even hear his voice, nor knew him for who he was. "We need to talk..." He said trying to catch some air. "I thought I told you to leave me alonE!" The girl shouted as she turned her back at him. "Yuki, I can't do that!" Tenchi answered. Yuki started walking away, she had her clothes wet by the time she set her feet out of the waiting shed.
"Hey, listen ok. Look I know that I made the wrong choice about telling you that I...love you....but...please, cant we just...have what we had before? FRIENDSHIP!?" Tenchi continued. Yuki stopped walking, "Look!" she turned around and faced him, "All I ask is for you to leave me alone! I'm sick and tired of this game. It can't be. You can't love a girl like me." She yelled, tears came falling from her eyes. Tenchi made his way to his friend and threw his arms around her, "I just love you!...Why can't we be together?" He was crying. "LET GO!" Yuki pushed him, and Tenchi felt pain on his right cheek, she slapped him. "Can't you understand me? I don't like the way you treat me anymore, I'm not special. You just can't love me as someone else? I hate you!" Her voice was beginning to break up, she was crying real hard, but the rain could cover it. Yuki turned her back at Tenchi and ran away.
Tenchi wanted to go after her but all he could do was watch her as she goes farther and farther. As Yuki reached the sidewalk near her house, she felt pain on her left chest, her heart was aching. She couldn't breath. She placed her hand just at the place of her heart and tried to massage her chest, "It's ok, Nikk. You can do it...just a few steps and...Ughr" She took a deep breath and started walking again, slowly, but her knees felt weak, she can't move anymore and that caused her to fall on the ground. Her sister got out the house eventually and helped her to stand up.
Tenchi took a deep breath and made his way to the wash room to wash the vase. There was silence. Even his loud breathing could be heard...As Tenchi went out the room, he went to the table near Yuki's bed and took the boquet of roses. "Tenchi," He heard a soft voice calling him. Tenchi turned to his right and found Yuki, awake. "Tenchi, What are u doin here?." she said. Her voice was softer than before. Her friend smiled, "I...came here to...see you.." He replied. "Tenchi...I..." She felt so much pain on her chest again.
Tenchi looked at the face of a girl whom he had been with for a long time. She was his childhood friend. She was lying on the hospital bed, unconcious. As Tenchi looked at her, love and sadness can be seen in his eyes. Worried that something bad might happen to her. "Yuki, please wake up." the words that he kept repeating in his mind, over and over again.
"Hey cheer up now. What's the matter?" A young boy wearing a blue baseball cap told his friend, looking at her, who was crying. "I'm fine." A little girl gave the same boy a fake smile. "Ahh, something's wrong, I knew it. Yuki tell me." He insisted. But the little girl just gave him a smile, "nothing."
A girl waited under a waiting shed, it was raining too hard. Everything was dark. "Yuki!" The girl heard her name. Left, right, it was her friend, Tenchi. The boy hurried to see her, he ran to the waiting shed quickly, with his uniform, dripping wet. But as soon as he got there, acted as if she didn't even hear his voice, nor knew him for who he was. "We need to talk..." He said trying to catch some air. "I thought I told you to leave me alonE!" The girl shouted as she turned her back at him. "Yuki, I can't do that!" Tenchi answered. Yuki started walking away, she had her clothes wet by the time she set her feet out of the waiting shed.
"Hey, listen ok. Look I know that I made the wrong choice about telling you that I...love you....but...please, cant we just...have what we had before? FRIENDSHIP!?" Tenchi continued. Yuki stopped walking, "Look!" she turned around and faced him, "All I ask is for you to leave me alone! I'm sick and tired of this game. It can't be. You can't love a girl like me." She yelled, tears came falling from her eyes. Tenchi made his way to his friend and threw his arms around her, "I just love you!...Why can't we be together?" He was crying. "LET GO!" Yuki pushed him, and Tenchi felt pain on his right cheek, she slapped him. "Can't you understand me? I don't like the way you treat me anymore, I'm not special. You just can't love me as someone else? I hate you!" Her voice was beginning to break up, she was crying real hard, but the rain could cover it. Yuki turned her back at Tenchi and ran away.
Tenchi wanted to go after her but all he could do was watch her as she goes farther and farther. As Yuki reached the sidewalk near her house, she felt pain on her left chest, her heart was aching. She couldn't breath. She placed her hand just at the place of her heart and tried to massage her chest, "It's ok, Nikk. You can do it...just a few steps and...Ughr" She took a deep breath and started walking again, slowly, but her knees felt weak, she can't move anymore and that caused her to fall on the ground. Her sister got out the house eventually and helped her to stand up.
Tenchi took a deep breath and made his way to the wash room to wash the vase. There was silence. Even his loud breathing could be heard...As Tenchi went out the room, he went to the table near Yuki's bed and took the boquet of roses. "Tenchi," He heard a soft voice calling him. Tenchi turned to his right and found Yuki, awake. "Tenchi, What are u doin here?." she said. Her voice was softer than before. Her friend smiled, "I...came here to...see you.." He replied. "Tenchi...I..." She felt so much pain on her chest again.
Vocabulary Of Dating
ATTRACTION the act of associating lust with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT what occurs when two extremely lusty, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom,and dating repulsive men.
EASY a term used to describe a woman who follows masculine ideals of lust .
EYE CONTACT a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as "playing hard to get."
INTERESTING a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
SOBER condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT what occurs when two extremely lusty, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom,and dating repulsive men.
EASY a term used to describe a woman who follows masculine ideals of lust .
EYE CONTACT a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as "playing hard to get."
INTERESTING a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
SOBER condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Romantic Love Letter
This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....
However, the girl's father does not like him and wanted them stop their relationship......
and so.. the boy wrote this letter to the girl.. he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..
1----"The great love that I have for you
2---- is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3---- grows every day. When I see you,
4---- I do not even like your face;
5---- the one thing that I want to do is to
6---- look at other girls. I never wanted to
7---- marry you. Our last conversation
8---- was very boring and has not
9---- made me look forward to seeing you again.
10--- You think only of yourself.
11--- If we were married, I know that I would find
12--- life very difficult, and I would have no
13--- pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14--- to give, but it is not something that
15--- I want to give to you. No one is more
16--- foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17--- able to care for me and help me.
18--- I sincerely want you to understand that
19--- I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20---if you think this is the end. Do not try
21--- to answer this. Your letters are full of
22--- things that do not interest me. You have no
23--- true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24--- I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25--- I am still your boyfriend."
So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to
the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE
LINES",
meaning-only to read
1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers)
However, the girl's father does not like him and wanted them stop their relationship......
and so.. the boy wrote this letter to the girl.. he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..
1----"The great love that I have for you
2---- is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3---- grows every day. When I see you,
4---- I do not even like your face;
5---- the one thing that I want to do is to
6---- look at other girls. I never wanted to
7---- marry you. Our last conversation
8---- was very boring and has not
9---- made me look forward to seeing you again.
10--- You think only of yourself.
11--- If we were married, I know that I would find
12--- life very difficult, and I would have no
13--- pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14--- to give, but it is not something that
15--- I want to give to you. No one is more
16--- foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17--- able to care for me and help me.
18--- I sincerely want you to understand that
19--- I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20---if you think this is the end. Do not try
21--- to answer this. Your letters are full of
22--- things that do not interest me. You have no
23--- true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24--- I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25--- I am still your boyfriend."
So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to
the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE
LINES",
meaning-only to read
1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers)
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