Your presence is a present to the world.
You're unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You'll make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.
Don't put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.
Don't take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot . . . goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures are people . . . together.
Realize that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have heath and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.
And don't ever forget . . .
For even a day . . .
How very special you are...
For as long as I can remember, my aunt had stained glass hanging in her window. She had pieces from all over the world, each one hand crafted by a stained glass artist.
She loved them all, but there was one piece that hung in her kitchen window and she often referred to it as her "motivational stained glass". She told me that she hung this particular piece in her kitchen window where she would see it every day.
The stained glass piece, which she was referring to, was a rainbow. And on the rainbow someone had written the saying:
"Remember, to make rainbows you need sun and rain."
The motivational stained glass piece was one of the smaller pieces of her wonderful collection, and was not particularly well done. I asked her why she kept it there. She said it gave her motivation on days when life presented challenges. It reminded her that we need to have some bad times to appreciate the good times. And, on the days when life was good, it always reminded her that life doesn't get any better than this.
I was at our local farmers market and found a stained glass rainbow similar to the one my aunt had hanging in her window. The one I bought did not have the saying on it, but every time I look at it I can remember my aunts words and the saying ….
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand?
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are: 1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love."
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!
A gentle reminder - that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
Start where you stand and never mind the past,
The past won't help you in beginning new,
If you have left it all behind at last
Why, that's enough, you're done with it, you're through;
This is another chapter in the book,
This is another race that you have planned,
Don't give the vanished days a backward look,
Start where you stand.
The world won't care about your old defeats
If you can start anew and win success;
The future is your time, and time is fleet
And there is much of work and strain and stress;
Forget the buried woes and dead despairs,
Here is a brand-new trial right at hand,
The future is for him who does and dares,
Start where you stand.
Old failures will not halt, old triumphs aid,
To-day's the thing, to-morrow soon will be;
Get in the fight and face it unafraid,
And leave the past to ancient history,
What has been, has been; yesterday is dead
And by it you are neither blessed nor banned;
Take courage, man, be brave and drive ahead,
Start where you stand.
please give me —
a few friends who understand me
and yet remain my friends;
work to do, which has real value,
without which the world would feel the poorer;
a mind unafraid to travel,
even though the trail be not blazed;
an understanding heart;
a sense of humor;
time for quiet, silent meditation;
a feeling of the presence of God;
and the patience to wait for the coming of these things,
with the wisdom to know them when they come.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
There are times in our life when we don't take action because we feel the action is too little, that it wouldn't make a difference. However, sometimes the smallest gesture can make a huge impact on someone's life. There are many different ways we can show kindness to others, and it doesn't have to be in a big way.
The simplest of things may make the difference. A smile, a door being held open, a handwritten note, a kind word, the list can go on and on.
I was recently reading some of Aesop's fables and came across the story of The Lion and The Mouse. While this story has been around for a long time, it still has wisdom in its words. Below is the story:
One day a Lion was asleep when a little Mouse began running up and down his back; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him.
"Please don't," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?"
The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him that he lifted up his paw and let him go.
Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap, he pulled with all his might, but the ropes were too strong. Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad plight, in which the Lion was, went up to him, and with his sharp little teeth gnawed away the ropes, setting the Lion free.
"You once laughed at me," said the mouse. You thought I was too little to do you a good turn. But see, you owe your life to a poor little mouse."
While you may think the story is far fetched, the point I found in reading the story is not the size of the action that is important, but the difference that a small action made.
Odd as it may seem, thousands of people have found solutions to problems or have been able to see their way through difficult choices at the strangest times. You may think that the best solutions to challenges or issues come from spending consistent and dedicated time focused on the issue or challenge in order to find the answer but you may be surprised.
Countless resolutions, to what may have seemed an insurmountable problem, haven't been born through intense brainpower. Take, for example, the person who says that their best thoughts come when they are out walking their dog in the park, or during a long and leisurely shower, or when taking a drive through the countryside. So, why is this?
For those of you who have a burning issue where the solution or tactic eludes you, or when you have been working on a task that just seems to have gotten the better of you and you can't make headway, take a mini zero vacation. A what, you ask?
In simple terms, it is sometimes better to let your mind go to zero where you are not consciously trying to arrive at an answer or solution. In order to take this mini zero vacation, you probably will best be doing something totally different from whatever it is you are attempting to overcome or resolve. Take yourself away from your normal surroundings and engage in an activity that, at least on the conscious level, involves your mind in something pleasurable, different, unusual, or physically challenging. It is when your conscious mind is involved in a different or rewarding activity that allows your subconscious mind to work on whatever it is that is giving you a particularly difficult time.
Going to zero doesn't have to mean going on a long vacation to some remote island or exotic getaway either. Going to zero can be as close as a nearby wind swept beach, or tranquil lake where you can put a line in or go for a canoe ride, or simply skip stones across the water. An activity can be physically engaging like tennis, roller blading, swimming or jogging.
The point is this: give yourself permission to let your mind go to zero where it concerns whatever task, issue, or challenge you face and are struggling with. You may just find what you have been searching for.
Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.' They kissed and the daughter left.
The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" ."I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them." Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye."
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them. Remember to tell your family and friends that you wish them enough! To all of you reading this, I wish you enough.
His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."
As William Arthur Ward once said,
"It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people;
to focus your energies on answers - not excuses."
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I will marry you."
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later had a note sent to her saying, "Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine."
This is often how our human nature works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Life is a gift.
Today, before you say an unkind word, think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food, think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife, think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today, before you complain about life, think of those who may have died before their time.
Before whining about the distance you drive, think of those who walk the same distance on foot.
When you are tired and complain about your job, think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
And, when depressing thoughts seem to get you down, put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around for a reason.
Our emotions are something that we would all like to have a bit of control over. One minute we can be happy and feel like the world is perfect, the next we can get agitated by the smallest thing and get overloaded with angry feelings.
Despite the fact that our emotions are often random and seemingly hard to control, there are some simple yet highly effective techniques so that you can control them and literally choose your own emotions. The following four steps in this article are going to help you do just that.
1. Focus on the Present Moment
The buddha is said to have been in a constant state of presence, and that's actually why he got the named 'buddha' which loosely means: the awakened one. While living in the moment in a practice that spans from the east and zen-like teachings, it can still be very effective in modern, western society.
I'm sure you can think of some problems in your life, and I actually want you to do that right now. Think of something you would love to fix, something you think is a real issue. The problem with this line of thinking is that we project negative images of the future, and let our past control what is right now. This very moment, this very second, there are no problems in your life. There might be in 5 minutes, there might have been yesterday, but not this very second.
Once you grasp this, you also need to understand that life is always this very second, and it is this moment where your attention should be focused.
2. Monitor Your Thoughts
When I first heard the idea of monitoring our thoughts I thought it was a little crazy. After-all, we are our thoughts, right? Wrong! It is actually very possible to monitor your thoughts, and with a bit of practice you'll realise that our minds are constantly full of negativity, projecting it in the future and thinking about the bad side of every situation.
As a little exercise, see if you can catch the next thought that comes in your head. Close your eyes, relax and watch it for it. You'll notice that it takes a while for a thought to come, even though it is said we are bombarded with 65,000 of them every single day.
Now let me ask you this: if you noticed the thought, which are you? The 'thing' that noticed the thought, or the thought itself? You aren't both. See if you can monitor your thoughts throughout the day and you'll notice some amazing results.
3. Realise Every Situation is Neutral
This will be hard to grasp, but if you monitor your thoughts successfully in part 2, try and notice your resistance to some of the things I am saying. A child being hit by a car is completely neutral, it is what it is. Of course, nobody in their right mind would think of it as a good thing or be happy that it did, but in an overview of the world it is no different to a ant being frazzled by a little boy with a magnifying glass.
Every single situation in this world is neutral, and you can either see it like that, or even put a positive or negative twist on it. You'll find that we tend to think negatively of things most of the time, see if you can be aware of this and either just accept things for what they are or see everything as a positive light.
If the girl getting hit by a car is negative, what is it if that car crash let's doctors become aware of a tumour inside of her that they can treat, but otherwise would not have known about. Is that car crash still negative?
4. Learn to Regain Control of Your Mind
Without practice, we actually have little control of our minds. In fact, we have so little control of our thoughts (which lead to emotions) that we often think that we are our minds. There are two techniques I like to use to regain control of my mind, which allows me to be much more conscious in my living, and much more able to choose to feel positive emotions.
The first technique is meditation. Basically I will sit in a quiet room with my legs crossed and my hands on my lap, and focus on my breathing. Notice the rise and fall of your chest, hear and feel the oxygen flowing throughout your body. This will be difficult your first time and you'll quickly find yourself 'bored' and 'distracted', but with practice this will get a lot easier and you'll really enjoy doing it.
The second technique is giving an object your full attention. Pick up an object that is preferably very simple and doesn't have any text or words on it. You might choose a stapler, an eraser, a mug or even some glasses. Now, for 5 minutes, see if you can give this object your undivided attention. Don't think about it, don't judge it or label it, just spend five minutes giving it your full attention.
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders...
Better to be safe than - punch a 5th grader.
Strike while - the bug is close.
It's always darkest before - Daylight Saving Time.
Never underestimate the power of - termites.
You can lead a horse to water but - how?
Don't bite the hand that - looks dirty.
No news is - impossible.
A miss is as good as a - Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new - math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll - stink in the morning.
Love all, trust - me.
The pen is mightier than the - pigs.
An idle mind is - the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's - pollution.
Happy the bride who - gets all the presents.
A penny saved is - not much.
Two's company, three's - the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what - you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..... you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as - Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not - spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed - get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you - see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind - get out of the way.
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
The "dot" over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
Table tennis balls have been known to travel off the paddle at speeds up to 160 km/hr.
Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name.
The original story from "Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights" begins, "Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. What about milk you say? A cow has to eat grass to produce milk and grass is living.
Michael Jordan makes more money from NIKE annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
The volume of the earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific Ocean.
Spiral staircases in medieval castles are running clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would have had no troubles, except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil.
Hydrogen gas is the least dense substance in the world, at 0.08988g/cc. Hydrogen solid is the most dense substance in the world, at 70.6g/cc.
Each year there is one ton of cement poured for each man woman and child in the world.
The only capital letter in the Roman alphabet with exactly one end point is P.
The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokai- whenua kitanatahu--a New Zealand hill.
Los Angeles's full name is: "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Poriuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "LA."
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
According to Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, it is possible to go slower than light and faster than light, but it is impossible to go the speed of light. Also, there is a particle called tackyon which is supposed to go faster than light. This means if you fire a tackyon beam, it travels before you fire it.
When you tie a noose, the rope is wrapped twelve times around because it's the same length as a persons head.
Hummingbirds are the only animal that can fly backwards.
When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame.
A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.
And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy.
The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."
And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."
And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.
The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?"
And God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"
And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross or scare off mice at the summer cabin or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words but a firm, authoritive voice and eyes that saw everything but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now, are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"
Mistakes are a part of life. To err is human. Failure is also part of life, not the end of life. These are not excuses though to be sad or depressed. Be happy in spite of life's challenges. When you make the effort to be happy and to improve your life you are actually rewarded along the way.
Life is like a game and maybe you can award points for every effort that has been a success for you. Try it. Add ten points for every achievement. And when you have reached 50 points just yell, "Hey, I've won!" and give yourself a reward. If you happen to have missed your points for whatever reason, tell yourself, "well I tried" which is better than not trying at all. The idea is to give it a shot. You might miss, but try again another day. Don't let it be said you didn't try. Try and fail, rather than fail to try.
What is it that you want to make you happy? Winning the lottery? Passing your examinations? Or just drinking a nice cup of hot cocoa in the morning? Happiness does not have to come from earning a lot of money, driving the best car, or being named the employee of the month. Happiness comes from the little things in life. Like what you may ask?
Actually happiness means different things to different people. For example, an athlete will be happy winning his first race. For a new mother happiness would be witnessing her baby's first steps. Happiness for a poor person would mean having a meal just for today. So happiness for you is really something simple that you want for yourself.
It really does not have to be complicated or big. As a matter of fact you should always have realistic expectations. Make the best out of every given situation. If you expect a certain outcome from a situation and it does not happen, don't get despondent. This just means trying harder next time. We all have in us the power to succeed. Don't let 'give up' be a part of your vocabulary. When you don't succeed at something, maybe it just means you need to be trying something else. Find a new focus as the last one may not be to your benefit.
So do you have what it takes to be genuinely happy? Just love yourself, be contented and accept your failures. Here are a few happy quotes:
* The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash - Author Unknown
* Some pursue happiness, others create it - Author Unknown
* The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1 - Author Unknown
* Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy - Gretta Brooker Palmer
1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when you're in the darn box all day!
2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind you.
3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4) That nagging feeling that if you just press the right button, you will get a piece of cheese.
5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6) Your walls are too close together for your hammock to work right.
7) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
8) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
9) When tours come through, you get lots of peanuts thrown at you.
10) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
11) If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."
12) If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.
13) You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Happy: Paid too much.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.
Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.
Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.
Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.
Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.
Not a desk person: Did not go to college.
Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use.
Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.
Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.
Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.
Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
