If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer

-If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

-To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

-If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

-Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

-To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

-To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

-To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

-If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

-When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

-"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

-You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your bootable CD to recover from a crash.

-We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

-To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

-Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

-To undo a mistake, click on "back".

-Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

-If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

Mothers of the Famous

Columbus' Mother: "I don't care what you've discovered, Chris. You still could have written."


Michelangelo's Mother: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"


Mary's Mother: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."


Batman's Mother: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"


Goldilocks Mother: "I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this, Goldie?"


Albert Einstein's Mother: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"


George Washington's Mother: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"


Superman's Mother: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"


Thomas Edison's Mother: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light blub, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed."

Love and What is Not

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing

And is your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't love, it's like.


You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,

am I right?

It isn't love, it's lust.


Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't love, it's luck.


Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't love, it's loneliness.


Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't love, it's loyalty.


Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's love.


Do you cry for their pain,

even when they're strong?

Then it's love.


Do their eyes see your true heart,

and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's love.


Do you stay for their confessions of love,

because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't love, it's pity.


Are you there because they kissed you,

or held your hand?

It isn't love, it's low confidence.


Do you belong to them

because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't love, it's infatuation.


Do you stay because a blinding,

incomprehensible mix of pain and

elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's love.


Do you pardon their faults

because you care about them?

It isn't love, it's friendship


Do you accept their faults

because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's love.


Do you tell them every day

they are the only one you think of?

It isn't love, it's a lie.


Are you attracted to others,

but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's love.


Are you willing to give

all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't love, it's charity.


Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's love.